26 hours later

26 hours later and I'm still standing.  I'm okay.  Maybe a little fuzzy around the edges, but definitely okay.

My first call shift is done.

I was so nervous about being on call.

I was nervous people were going to ask me questions I didn't know the answers to.  They did.  I was nervous I was going to get lost in the hospital in the middle of the night.  I did.  I was nervous I was going to be incredibly dumb in front of strangers. I was.

But you know what?

It was also sort of exhilarating and illuminating and maybe even the teensiest bit awesome in a holy-crap-I'm-actually-doing-this sort of way.

And because I was so nervous going into this, I was fully prepared for everyone I dealt with to be able to see right through me and give me plenty of sass.  But everyone was so nice.  Like, suspiciously nice-  I think maybe all that time in Brooklyn broke me a little bit and now I don't trust it when people are nice to me.

And since I'm pretty sure I'm not the only intern who feels a teensy bit suspicious when people are nice to me, I wanted to share a couple of comments I remembered with you guys because I bet you will need to hear them as much as I did.

"I'm so happy to have residents here!"

"You handled your first night way better than I did."

"You'll be a great primary care doc."

It's okay to be nervous.  What we're doing is nerve-wracking and we're going to make mistakes and we're going to be overwhelmed and people aren't always going to be nice.  But when they are, take it to heart and remember.

People are happy that you're here.  

You're not totally incompetent.  

The care you provide is valued.


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