The Naked Neighbor

Heritage Haven has 5 apartments, but only 3 of them are filled.  I really like my place in general, but it's especially pleasant to just have a couple of quiet neighbors.  There are other houses around our building with exciting local families.  One of my neighbors is Superman: he's a little boy of about 7 who runs around with a cape shouting "up up and away" on the weekends.  One of my neighbors spends Sundays grilling chicken, driving me insane with delicious smells.  One of my neighbors is one of the local taxi drivers; the back window of his taxi is busted out- instead of fixing it, he covered it in plastic.  However, as much joy as all of these people bring me, none of them is as entertaining as my naked neighbor.  Naked Neighbor lives in the house right beside my apartment.  He is old and wiry and likes to stand in his doorway nearly naked.  He might be totally naked- I'm not ever sure, since whenever I see him and I either look away real quick or maintain constant eye contact.  The other day I was going to do my laundry and he was standing in the doorway again, nearly naked, as usual, shaving as though it were the most natural thing in the world.  He said something to me, in a language that was neither English nor Spanish and grinned real big.  I just nodded and kept walking, but from his tone it was something filthy.  I shouldn't have nodded at Naked Neighbor, even if it was the polite and neighborly thing to do.

The best part of this whole thing is that for a while I thought Naked Neighbor and the taxi driver were the same guy.  I was stuck in The Bottom one night with a couple of girl friends.  We kept calling and calling taxi drivers and the only person that would come and pick us up was my neighbor. In my head I'm saying "not Naked Neighbor, not Naked Neighbor," but we really need a ride home so I go with it.  My friend who called says he said "I'll be there in 20 minutes; I just gotta get some clothes on."  Now, as soon as she says this I start giggling- because of course Naked Neighbor doesn't have clothes on, OF COURSE HE IS NAKED.  He picks us up, no big deal, and drives us where we need to go.  It all seems legit until we try to get out of the taxi and the door won't open.  He has to get out and open it from the outside.  WE WERE LOCKED IN A CAB WITH NAKED NEIGHBOR.  

It took me weeks to realize that the cab driver and Naked Neighbor aren't the same guy.  And goodness gracious, was I relieved, but sort of disappointed too, because only on this island would it be okay for a taxi driver to prefer to be mostly naked most of the time.


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