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Showing posts from February, 2013

Talkin' funny

Around these parts they keep telling me I talk funny.  And, I will admit I do play it up sometimes, but I figure I better not go getting above my raising.  The other day somebody gave me a hard time about my liberal use of the word "y'all" and how they couldn't use it because people would think that they were "uneducated."  I smiled and nodded and didn't worry my pretty little head about it one bit.

That is, until later, when it hit me like a ton of bricks that the person I had just had a conversation with pretty much called me uneducated to my face.  Now, I don't take kindly to being insulted- no one does- but I just find being insulted to my face a little much.  It made me just want to take the ridiculous colloquialisms up to a whole new level.  I got to thinking about the phrases I loved as a kid and still get a good ole kick out of to this day, so I compiled a little list.

Well, slap my ass and call me Sally.

The cat having kittens in the oven …

The Naked Neighbor

Heritage Haven has 5 apartments, but only 3 of them are filled.  I really like my place in general, but it's especially pleasant to just have a couple of quiet neighbors.  There are other houses around our building with exciting local families.  One of my neighbors is Superman: he's a little boy of about 7 who runs around with a cape shouting "up up and away" on the weekends.  One of my neighbors spends Sundays grilling chicken, driving me insane with delicious smells.  One of my neighbors is one of the local taxi drivers; the back window of his taxi is busted out- instead of fixing it, he covered it in plastic.  However, as much joy as all of these people bring me, none of them is as entertaining as my naked neighbor.  Naked Neighbor lives in the house right beside my apartment.  He is old and wiry and likes to stand in his doorway nearly naked.  He might be totally naked- I'm not ever sure, since whenever I see him and I either look away real quick or maintain …